That Moment

I was at the dentist today with Brady. He was kicked back in his lounge chair, wearing his Spiderman shades and getting his teeth cleaned…I was zoning out, being lulled to sleep by the humming of dental tools.

I was jolted awake when I heard her say “I see a brown spot…I’m going to x-ray it and have the doctor take a look at it.”  Now ya’ll, I’m at the dentist, so a brown spot just probably means mama gets lazy sometimes and lets the boy snack on marshmallows. Or maybe on the mornings we’re really rushed, we can just skip the brushing and get back to it later. And don’t forget that I was zoning.

But in that moment when I heard her words, my heart sank and the faces of so many dear friends were right there in front of me….”there’s a spot on his spinal cord…this spot is cancer…disease…this baby won’t live outside the womb…the tests show leukemia…the tests show autism…mucus in the lungs….”  The weight of what you, my mama friends, are walking through was so heavy.

I wondered how you picked yourself off the floor of the doctor’s office that day. I wondered about your faith.  I wondered what it was like for your dreams to completely change…to go from “I hope my kid is talented” to “I hope he walks, talks, has friends, breathes, lives.” I see you on facebook, you handle yourselves so gracefully…I tend to be a pouter, I wondered if I could comment with such sweet words on the endless photos of kids doing things mine may never do.

And don’t take this wrong, but I slightly envied you too. I envied that God thought you worthy to walk such a challenging road….sorta like Mary, when God thought her worthy to give birth to Jesus.

I don’t know what kind of encouragement you need today.  But sometimes we just want others to notice…to know that a day in your life is tiring, hard, and scary. I love you and your kids so much, and God loves them even more. You’re the BEST at being a mom to them.